Words Unspoken

Infatuation 

written by: Jesson Rata 

I thought it was just a fling. 

I thought it didn't mean a thing.

You keep running in my head,

Even when I go to bed.

Moments of your touch, 

Still lingers,

I feel it's too much.

Why do I keep those memories--

When I'm not sure how to feel--

Is  what I'm feeling real? 

I don't know which feeling to connect.

If you're sending mix signals,

I don't want to link what I'm feeling,

And later, reject, I recollect. 

It doesn't take a lot of time--

For me to forget.

One moment I'm focused,

the other, distracted. 

Are you just a distraction?

Do I feel the attraction? 

Electrified when you look, 

It's an awkward reaction.

Do you understand what I'm going through--

Even in just the tiniest fraction? 

These questions are not rhetorical,

I'm sure it's all metaphorical.

I choose to stay oblivious--

To your hints,

Your actions I ignore,

Like a blank piece of paper with no prints. 

Perhaps the next time I see you,

Please make sure to be clear.

I don't want to keep playing games with you,

Just be yourself with no fear.

No need to impress,

I only ask for you--to express.

And don't worry, I'll do the same.

I'm tired of feeling this way, 

It's lame!

Words Unspoken

The Search

written by: Jesson Rata 

I was once a stranger to you.

The first day we met, 

All I could think about were ways to remember 

Your face, your name. 

I listen to the way you talk;

The sound once foreign,

Now I'm beginning to unblock.

You left unnoticed--

I don't know where you are.

I'm struggling to figure out

The Things you left undone. 

You comeback only to find I'm gone. 

We search to find each other,

Not knowing where to look.

Believing that fate will bring us back together.

We hope to follow the trails,

we leave in the pages of our journey book. 

You're somewhere over the other end of the road.

Will I ever find you?

The frustration and worries, 

I'm beginning to unload. 

Drifting by, I'm starting to see--

The end, it seems where there's no you and me. 

Strangers, once again, we are. 

We were close, now we're far. 

I hope to meet you again someday.

I'm keeping the faith; I pray. 

Go On.

Second-Guessing

written by: Jesson Rata

Minutes have passed. You look at it again.

You scratch your head. You twirl your hair. You twist your brain, you refrain. 

You think you know it. You think you're sure. 

You erase the previous mark, you're mind's a blur. 

You're digging deep, down to the dark well. 

You wish to see the light, you still dwell. 

You look around, stare at nothing, 

You look down, hoping to come up with something. 

You went with It. 

Oh hell with It. 

You scramble, you mumble. 

You dabble, you fumble.

You're tired. You're drained. 

You're pulling the last straw, one short end remained. 

You finally gave in, you're done messing;

You stop attempting, you're done second-guessing. 

Presidential Election- Vote 2012

Tomorrow, November 6, 2012 is the day to exercise one of your citizen rights: to vote. It's very important that each person that are of age, a citizen of the United States, and is registered to vote, to contribute to the progress of our country. So please, go out there and VOTE! Remember, every vote counts. Happy Voting everyone!

October 30, 1966

My Gift

written by: Jesson Rata

It turns out, I'm still a little kid.
The little kid who cries.
The little kid who's afraid.
The little kid who clings on to mom.
The little kid who falls every time he runs.
The little kid who gets bruises, wounds, scars--- patching band aids over it.

Now I understand.
I understand why She would leave me, while dropping my siblings off to school
She didn't have enough.
She would come back and bring Champorado. Spaghetti when she has enough.
She would help me dress for school: putting socks over my feet, fix my imperfect uniform, give me kisses for luck.
At times, I would cry when she drops me off.
At times, I would cry with them, every time their parents drop them off.
Most of the time, I would be very happy to see her there, standing, waiting for me.
She would carry me when I didn't have the energy.
She would carry me whenever I'm sick.
She would carry me to show affection.

She didn't have enough.
She works hard every day.
She works hard to keep the house clean.
She works hard to keep the fridge full.
She prays hard to survive.
She prays hard for guidance.
She prays hard for strength.
She raised us with her own bare hands.
She was our father.
She is my Mom.

Days in my shoe (MIA)

Literally. Missing-In-Action.

Unemployment is not the greatest thing. It's not the greatest feeling. It's not cracking. I feel static; not progressing, stuck, and useless. It hard to even make a tiny move in this sluggish economy. It's been five months and counting. Student Loans notices came in today and it hit me: I NEED TO MOVE MY ASS! The fact of the matter is, that's what I've been doing the entire time. When an opportunity opens, it's either I don't have enough experience, or over qualified. Especially when I'm almost close to locking-in that position, they were impressed but thought my qualifications and experience is not enough, too green, and went with someone "better-fit-for-the-position." I just don't get it anymore. They saw potential, they saw my enthusiasm, I gave them everything they could ask for and more; yet, I didn't fit what they were looking for.  By now, I'm used to, "We appreciate your interest. . . and wish you well in your future endeavors. . ." or  ". . . . wish you the best of luck in your job search." Unless you're a Jeanie or have "lucky" dust to dash over me, I'll take your well-thought-out-let's-not-hurt-his-feelings-but-let's-do-it-nicely-rejection letter. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying, using all of my energy and effort, only to fail. Once again, I'm finishing last. I spent four years of my college life, busting my ass off, investing my time and attention to earn my degree, be in debt, and turn out to be unemployed. Was it really worth it considering that I just drowned myself in debt and now must find a job to pay it all back? Education is key to success, yet I'm second guessing that at the moment. I find it funny how most of the entry-level positions require a high school diploma/GED, with 5 or more years of related experience, only to do the basic stuff, and get paid hourly (most start at minimum wage): Seriously? You telling me that  four years I spent working hard to just get that degree in the mail boils down to this? I feel like nothing is coming my way. I'm seriously considering doing basic jobs may it be in retail, restaurants, car-wash locations, or the random guy spinning that sign (at least he's making money!). Really America? The land of opportunities? With rising unemployment rates, rising gas prices, health care disparities, broken education system, to the "promising" economy, was it even all worth it? I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I'm trying all I can. I'm staying positive. I'm being patient. I'm praying. I'm thankful. The five or so of being unemployed allowed me to really appreciate my family and the remaining friends I have. So, I'm letting it all out to the Universe! Leaving all my problems and worries behind. I sill believe. I'm still very hopeful that an opportunity will come my way. It's almost Christmas and all I want is to have a stable job. Doing things that I want to do require money, that means getting a job. I never imagined to be in this situation. Education? I don't know anymore.

Things to Unload- Just Gotta Let it Out

Hey Ya'll! It's been ages! Literally it felt like I haven't blogged in so long. To update you on life, nothing changed. Still job less. Still looking and searching and the process of it all is becoming second nature to me. I thought that I had a chance to be able to finally find a stable job; unfortunately, when it was my turn to spin the wheel, it landed on 'lose turn' aka door was closed aka I'm not the winner of Hell's Kitchen and wasn't able to get my door open. Coming into the interview during that day, I was really nervous yet excited at the same time. During the interview, I felt confident answering all the questions and I would constantly get affirmations that I was answering the questions well with the panel saying, 'good', 'excellent'. At the end of the interview we even got a chance to laugh it out and talked about dogs! It didn't occur to me till after the interview that I should of distributed my freshly revised resume and references to the panel in order to show urgency or a sense of taking control and going ahead of the game; then I noticed that they already had a copy of my old resume that I submitted so I was being polite and observant and hesitated to ask them if they would want a new copy. I knew then that 10 points was taken off even in the scale of that minuscule detail. Then the weekend (Friday-Sunday) came (the interview happened Thursday), and I didn't occur to me to EMAIL the panel and thank them for the opportunity they've given me to be interviewed by them in order to show consistency and the desperate cry to hire me until late last night when my friend told me about it. SO I rushed in producing a decent email and was able to do it last minute. I knew after sending the email that I had already lost: Another ten points off and I'm out of the game. Katniss killed me with her archery skills. I finally got the confirmation when my friend notified me that she got the job offer and right then and there, I bled to death. Yes, I left out the part where it was between me and my friend fighting for the same position but I knew that when said that she knows the panel from past experience, that she's going to get the job just by walking through that door; coupled with her massive experience with Office of Student Life, her resume alone was enough to shoot right through my heart. In all seriousness, I was really proud of her and that I know that the panel made a very wise decision by hiring her. I know that she's going to contribute a lot to the Chancellor's Office and be able to just rock the Events Assistant position! It's going to take the entire day for me to get over it and just think about what's to come. I know that this is not what God planned for me and I know that there are going to be better things ahead. Overall, it was a learning experience. I had a wonderful time after the interview by reuniting with my Merced Family and was overwhelmed with love and positive vibe of them really wanting me to get the job. And for that, I appreciate and thank them for the support. So today is just an ordinary day. I'm waiting for that rejection email to come in and really just be the flower to my grave. LOL. There. Done. It feels good to have finally let it all out. As for the reader(s), thank you for your time and effort for reading such a post. Ya'll are very good listeners, I must say. Till my next entry, have a blastin' DAAAAY! :)

Earworm: Gun Shot by Nicki Minaj feat. Beenie Man